So my lack of posts has continued to be painfully obvious. Not only did I fail to follow-up with my NYC trip details, but I have since been to Chicago for my Homecoming Part 2.
And quite honestly I have no interest in posting anything about them. My desire to meet new people and keep my friends updated with my life has remained important. However, I have discovered that Facebook has become the preferred outlet for these sorts of things. The rise of Facebook has essentially killed all drive to maintain this blog. I might return to blogging should Facebook fail me but for now I am taking a hiatus.
Facebook has many advantages over blogging....it's faster, user friendly and more anonymous....well, what I mean is that only my friends (and trust me, I am not one of those freaks on Facebook with 4000 "friends) can see my Facebook page. The Blog is open to everyone and I no longer desire that sort of audience. Since moving to Florida my life has changed drastically. I am by no means a hermit, afraid to leave his house. I have been enjoying all that Southern Florida has to offer, but I have learned from some of the mistakes I made in Chicago and I have made sure not repeat them here. As a result, I have a very low profile here in Florida, where in Chicago I was a bit of a gay socialite. In fact, I was probably too "popular" for my own good in Chicago. Even in a city that big I made a reputation for myself as being a "fun" boy. Well, once you have that sort of "fun" reputation it is nealry impossible to escape it no matter how hard you decide you don't want to be "fun" anymore and would actually want to finally settle down and find some sort of meaningful relationship. My two previous visits to Chicago have made this painfully obvious. My friends have either made comments that suggest they believe I am still living the wild life I had in CHicago, or I have run into old "buddies" who thought we were going to just pick up where we left off 9 months ago. Um....no.
So Florida has been a time for settling down. No more friends with benefits, no more excessive "fun", no more weekend after weekend of binge drinking. It isn't easy finding other people who share this same perspective on life but I am a patient guy and I would rather be alone for the time being than disrepect myself by going against what I currently believe in. I am glad I had so much "fun" in Chicago but it's a different place and time for me now.
Well July has turned into another crazy and busy month. I will post more information about my recent trip to NYC and a day with the boys in South Beach but right now I am writing because I just found out that a friend of mine who I had met a few months ago was just deported.
I don't understant the immigration laws in this country because I am not an immigrant. I still don't completely understand the circumstances surrounding his deportation but nevertheless he was the first guy I have met in Florida that I felt any sort of attraction to. We spent a ridiculous amount of time together considering most of the other guys i had met never made it past the first date. I still have his toothbrush in my bathroom for when he used to stay the night. I don't want to throw it away :(
Honestly, I doubt anything meaningful would have come from our brief time together. Too much (apparently!) was going on in this boy's life. Nevertheless meeting him reminded me that I am not completly bitter and cold. I am very much capable of being affectionate and have some sort of romance in my life. Ironically, I think this is also a sign that I need to stop rushing my love life. In fact, now that there is definite closure with this situation, I am deciding to stay away from dating and men altogether. It may sound silly or rather extreme but quite honestly, the added free time in my schedule can be used to do more productive activities. I don't know when I will be ready to venture back in the dating world but right now I am very content with being alone.
I don't feel sorry for myself. I do feel sorry for my friend. Granted he was here illegally, it must be hard to be ripped from a life you have created and be forced to leave your family and friends. My one consolation is that he has a very big family back home that will be able to help him....and who knows, maybe one day he will come back. Nevertheless, I wish him the best!
I think I am finally accepting the fact that things are simply DIFFERENT here in Florida than Chicago. Life is just different. People are different. Culture is different. The climate is different. The differences aren't good or bad. I think I have been trying to hard to determine which differences were positive and which were negative and which were neutral. Basically I have been over analyzing everything as I normally do when the easiest answer to my questions is that life is different for me than it was one year ago. That's all. Just different. And luckily I seem to be adapting quite well to my different surroundings.
Dating remains to be a difficult task.....or should I say different? Nah! Gay men are fucked up no matter where you go! LOL. Well, one thing that is different is that I am not only single but I have no friends-with-benefits or anyone I could even consider calling for a booty call....and definitely no one to actually date! I would say that I am lonely in that sense but I think loneliness is more of a state of mind. People can be married for 20 years and feel lonely. I am very content.....even if I am living like a celibate nun. If anything I am very proud to say that I don't feel the least bit desperate. I have met a handful of losers down here already and even though it would have been easy to put up with their shit just to say I am in a relationship, I didn't see the point. I guess I still have too much self-respect. Thank god that is one thing that isn't "different"!
The past week has been challenging at work as I picked up 5 days on the night shift. I have learned two things by doing this.
1. I could never do night shift full time. 2. I am turning into a kick-ass pharmacist after being out of school only 10 months.
So I feel good. Yes I do! And this is a song (Annagrace formerly known as Ian Van Dahl) that is making me feel good lately (along with many others but I shall dedicate a post to music another day).....
Love keeps calling my heart indeed...but where is it taking me?
Today has been the crummiest Fourth of July. It has not stopped raining since I woke up. I gotten so spoiled buy the non-stop sunshine that when I finally experience a day of nothing but gloom and rain it is quite depressing! Fortunately the rest of the weekend was not as depressing. I had two good nights out in Fort Lauderdale with new friends. I also caught up on sleep and housework. A co-worker of mine invited me over for dinner too. It was quite lovely!
The upcoming week promises to either be a refreshing change of pace or a complete nightmare. I somehow let myself get talked into working the night shift (9pm to 7:30am) starting this Wednesday for a 5 day stretch. Hmmmmm.....I have never really done third shift for several days in a row. I am hoping my sleep schedule doesn't get thrown out of whack. Because of this slight change of plans I have also decided to postpone yet again my search for a 2nd job. I suppose with an upcoming trip to NYC and another trip to Chicago in August, now isn't a good time anyways.
As for the title of my post, obviously it has to do with the holiday. More importantly though, I am coming to the realization that the changes I so desperately wanted to make in my life after leaving Chicago didn't depend on anyone else but myself. I have recently found myself looking to others to find my way down here in Florida. This is completely out of character for me and I had to remind myself today that my happiness depends on me, myself and I. Placing my future in the hands of anyone else is always a mistake. So having said that, Mr. Independent is going to go out and do some socializing this rainy Sunday night to celebrate the USA's birthday!
Well I am not one to give up easily and despite my recent hiatus I am going to give a stab at this blogging stuff one more time! So it has been 7 months now for me in South Florida. I finally feel adjusted but there are many things I need to work on and accomplish. I feel at "home" but I know I will be more enthusiastic about my home once I get things rolling. I tend to be an impatient person at times but I need to keep reminding myself that I have made alot of progresss in the past 7 months. The over-acheiver in me needs to stop whining. LOL
Since I last left the blogspot, I was excited to be starting a casual pharmacy job in a small neighborhood retail pharmacy. Well, those plans fell kind of flat. To make a long story short, the owner of the pharmacy kept running into problems with the grand opening of the store......until finally she lost her DEA license due to an ongoing investigation at her other pharmacies. The DEA is the government agency that deal with scheduled drugs (morphine, Vicodin, Percocet, Xanax, Ambien). Basically, all the stuff that people are likely to abuse. I don't know the details of the investigation but despite the fact I am very disapointed this didn't work out, iam relieved my name and professional license never got involved with this mess!
So being the resourceful new pharmacist that I am, I began looking elsewhere for the ideal side job. Unfortunately most positions I was coming across were full time or were not interested in hiring a new graduate. Luckily I have another degree to fall back on and I took the appropriate measures to become a licensed Clinical Laboratory Technologist in Florida! The pay certainly isn't as good as a pharmacist salary BUT, it's nothing to complain about either! I just received my license in the mail the other day and will begin looking around for a casual position in the area next week. I imagine that with my experience and general shortage of laboratory professionals, I shouldn't have a problem.
Well, I am temporarily giving up on the boyfriend search. I quickly learned that even though I am officially ready to seriously date that doesn't necessarily mean there are any eligible bachelors around! I couldn't even begin to talk about some of the psychopaths I have met down here but lets just say I am hanging up the towel for the time being. No more online chatting and less time at the gay bars will be on my agenda for the rest of the year!
My search for a side pharmacist job hasn't been fruitful but as far as my full time position as a clinical-staff hospital pharmacist......WOW! Amazing! Never in my life have I had a job that I loved so much. Even when I have to wake up at 4:30am on my early shift days, I never dread going to work. I have quickly gained the respect and trust of my colleagues and management. I still need to increase my knowledge base but I couldn't have made a better career decision than to accept this job offer last Fall.
In my free time I continue to go crazy at LA Fitness and find time for my private spanish lessons. Thanks to my tutor, I have been introduced to the literature of Paulo Coelho and I absolutely love it! As far as fun goes....I am still trying to find my favorite hangouts in South Florida. Apart from Florida I have done some traveling. In May I made trips to both Cancun and Chicago...Chicago being the more notorious of the two trips because of all the alcohol, those "cookies" I accidentally ate and more importantly, complete confirmation that I made the right choice to leave when I did. I was happy to see many people....a little sad to not be able to see others and somewhat disgusted by the people who claimed they didn't wantto see me leave and made such a big deal about getting together during my visit yet never returned my phone calls.....things that make you go mmmmm! nevertheless my trip to Chicago was the ultimate "Milwaukee Sister" reunion!
Immediately after all my trips I had some exciting business to take care of in Miami......back to back special events/concerts by Fangoria and Paulina Rubio (and friends)!!!!! The Fangoria concert was actually an intimate appearance in an art gallery in downtown Miami. The art show was a collection of album cover artwork from Latin America over the past 30 years. Fangoria gave an amazing show that really benefited from the chic environment of the venue.
The Paulina Rubio concert was a VIP event televised by Telemundo courtesy of one of the fiercest lesbians I know from Chicago....Janet! The event was a fundraiser and featured a pregnant Paulina Rubio singing alone and long side some of the biggest names in Latin pop music. I was in heaven! Especially considering I had a VIP service just feet from the stage with dinner and wine. I also got to witness the red carpet event immediately preceeding the concert!
And last but not least......the beach! The one thing I can't get enough of down here (well, as long as I got SPF 50 sunscreen) is the pool and the beach. My favorite beach so far is the Ft Lauderdale one. It's a 35 minute drive from my house but totally worth it for the hot gay boys!
As you can see, my updates have become increasingly scarce over the past two months. I think this can be attributed to several factors:
1. I don't spend that much time online anymore. 2. I don't have anything too interesting to say that I haven't already said on Facebook. 3. With Twitter and Facebook, I believe people are more likely to keep up with me that way and vice versa as opposed to a blog.
Nevertheless, I have enjoyed blogging and have found it to be an excellent outlet for my stress and frustration in life.....which leads me to the conclude that perhaps I am not as stressed and frustrated as I used to be. Whatever the issue is, I have decided to take a few more days to decide the direction I am going to take this blog.....or if I will give up blogging for good. We'll see......
The 90's seem to be coming back in full force. On TV we have seen remakes of Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place. Musically there has been a sudden renewed interested in dance-pop that reminds me of the early 90's when club friendly songs easily crossed over to the mainstream (Blackbox, Technotronic, Real Mccoy, La Bouche, etc). Well, it seems the great RnB artists of the 90's are also coming back in a big way......although some technically never were gone. Usher has been around since 1994 and while his last album didn't live up to expectations, his most recent offering, "Raymond V Raymond" offers some of his best songs in years (There Goes My Baby) while he still keeps up with the electro craze on songs like "OMG". Even Mary J Blige has re-recorded extra songs the UK edition of her album to capitalize on the recent dance music trend.
However, the biggest surprise is Toni Braxton! Not only is she looking fierce lately but her recent singles have been stunning. I haven't looked forward to a Toni Braxton album since 1996's "Secrets"1 I was equally shocked to find out the first single "Yesterday" reached #12 on the RnB charts. Granted it never graced the regular Hot 100 but when you consider Toni was just a few years ago with no record contract and performing shows at a 2 star hotel in Las Vegas this is absolutely amazing, The song is beautiful. Toni sounds great and she doesn't seem to be trying too hard to keep up with the girls half her age as she has done on her past flop albums. Another surprise is the album's 2nd uptempo single, "Make My Heart". Both songs have gotten extensive club remixes but "Make My Heart" is a floor stomper in it's own right. Toni has always been known for her ballads so to see her get funky like this is shocking!
Perhaps there is still hope for the likes of Brandy! :)
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