Cuidáte mucho! :(

Well July has turned into another crazy and busy month. I will post more information about my recent trip to NYC and a day with the boys in South Beach but right now I am writing because I just found out that a friend of mine who I had met a few months ago was just deported.

I don't understant the immigration laws in this country because I am not an immigrant. I still don't completely understand the circumstances surrounding his deportation but nevertheless he was the first guy I have met in Florida that I felt any sort of attraction to. We spent a ridiculous amount of time together considering most of the other guys i had met never made it past the first date. I still have his toothbrush in my bathroom for when he used to stay the night. I don't want to throw it away :(

Honestly, I doubt anything meaningful would have come from our brief time together. Too much (apparently!) was going on in this boy's life. Nevertheless meeting him reminded me that I am not completly bitter and cold. I am very much capable of being affectionate and have some sort of romance in my life. Ironically, I think this is also a sign that I need to stop rushing my love life. In fact, now that there is definite closure with this situation, I am deciding to stay away from dating and men altogether. It may sound silly or rather extreme but quite honestly, the added free time in my schedule can be used to do more productive activities. I don't know when I will be ready to venture back in the dating world but right now I am very content with being alone.

I don't feel sorry for myself. I do feel sorry for my friend. Granted he was here illegally, it must be hard to be ripped from a life you have created and be forced to leave your family and friends. My one consolation is that he has a very big family back home that will be able to help him....and who knows, maybe one day he will come back. Nevertheless, I wish him the best!

Different

I think I am finally accepting the fact that things are simply DIFFERENT here in Florida than Chicago. Life is just different. People are different. Culture is different. The climate is different. The differences aren't good or bad. I think I have been trying to hard to determine which differences were positive and which were negative and which were neutral. Basically I have been over analyzing everything as I normally do when the easiest answer to my questions is that life is different for me than it was one year ago. That's all. Just different. And luckily I seem to be adapting quite well to my different surroundings.

Dating remains to be a difficult task.....or should I say different? Nah! Gay men are fucked up no matter where you go! LOL. Well, one thing that is different is that I am not only single but I have no friends-with-benefits or anyone I could even consider calling for a booty call....and definitely no one to actually date! I would say that I am lonely in that sense but I think loneliness is more of a state of mind. People can be married for 20 years and feel lonely. I am very content.....even if I am living like a celibate nun. If anything I am very proud to say that I don't feel the least bit desperate. I have met a handful of losers down here already and even though it would have been easy to put up with their shit just to say I am in a relationship, I didn't see the point. I guess I still have too much self-respect. Thank god that is one thing that isn't "different"!

The past week has been challenging at work as I picked up 5 days on the night shift. I have learned two things by doing this.

1. I could never do night shift full time.
2. I am turning into a kick-ass pharmacist after being out of school only 10 months.


So I feel good. Yes I do! And this is a song (Annagrace formerly known as Ian Van Dahl) that is making me feel good lately (along with many others but I shall dedicate a post to music another day).....


Love keeps calling my heart indeed...but where is it taking me?

Mr. Independent

Today has been the crummiest Fourth of July. It has not stopped raining since I woke up. I gotten so spoiled buy the non-stop sunshine that when I finally experience a day of nothing but gloom and rain it is quite depressing! Fortunately the rest of the weekend was not as depressing. I had two good nights out in Fort Lauderdale with new friends. I also caught up on sleep and housework. A co-worker of mine invited me over for dinner too. It was quite lovely!

The upcoming week promises to either be a refreshing change of pace or a complete nightmare. I somehow let myself get talked into working the night shift (9pm to 7:30am) starting this Wednesday for a 5 day stretch. Hmmmmm.....I have never really done third shift for several days in a row. I am hoping my sleep schedule doesn't get thrown out of whack. Because of this slight change of plans I have also decided to postpone yet again my search for a 2nd job. I suppose with an upcoming trip to NYC and another trip to Chicago in August, now isn't a good time anyways.

As for the title of my post, obviously it has to do with the holiday. More importantly though, I am coming to the realization that the changes I so desperately wanted to make in my life after leaving Chicago didn't depend on anyone else but myself. I have recently found myself looking to others to find my way down here in Florida. This is completely out of character for me and I had to remind myself today that my happiness depends on me, myself and I. Placing my future in the hands of anyone else is always a mistake. So having said that, Mr. Independent is going to go out and do some socializing this rainy Sunday night to celebrate the USA's birthday!