Sunday, February 28, 2010

Kick Her With Your Louboutins

People just love to kick someone when they are down and since it was announced a few days ago that Jennifer Lopez had "amicably" departed ways with Sony Records (DROPPED ON HER FAT PUERTO RICAN ASS is more like it) bloggers and entertainment columnists have wasted no time to bring out their claws and celebrate the fall of a struggling and aging diva. While I am not one to take pleasure in one's failures (unless it's someone I can't stand like Beyonce) I tend not to get happy over the flop and drop that happens to so many aging pop divas. However if the rumors are true then J-Lo is a nasty bitchy cunt who probably is getting what she deserves. BUT, I don't know the woman so I am going to stick to the facts here.

J-Lo's career is on life support because she let herself turn into shit. Plain and simple. She hasn't made a good album in years and there has only been a good single here and there since the early 00's. I remember when her debut album was released. She really was like this generations Paula Abdul. She couldn't sing to save her life but she had all the right material and dance moves to keep everyone entertained. Eleven years later "Waiting For Tonight" is still the freaking shit. But by 2003 J-Lo had left behind the fluffy and fun latin-tinged pop of her first album and now was "Jenny From The Block". Oh yes folks, the bitch was hardcore with all her guest rappers and bling. The tired rnb and faux hip-hop got old very quick and by 2005's Rebirth (or Afterbirth as I like to call it) no one care about her tired ass. Sure the Spanish album was slightly charming but considering her anorexic hubby's skeleton fingers were all over it from start to finish there wasn't much to like other than the lead single, "Que Hiciste". Jennifer's follow up tour was actually quite entertaining but her next album proved to be even more forgettable than Afterbirth. Now in the world of Gaga's, Beyonce's and Ke$ha's she tries to reinvent herself as some sort of pop supreme mistress with "Louboutins". It sounded like a horrible unsused Lady Gaga demo. Oh dear Jennifer. Please stop before you hurt yourself. oops too late, you already busted open your knee at the American Music Awards.

So I guess I couldn't stop myself from being a little catty too. It's not because I enjoy watching La Lopez flop but I get very frustrated when people ignore the signs that they need to change....or else! J-Lo chose to ignore her critics and still thinks this is 2002. Pobrecita.

Well, we will always have "Waiting For Tonight" the GLORIOUS Hex HEctor remix. That shit still sends tingles down my spine!

If I Were a Vampire

So the other day I read that "Ugly Betty" was getting cancelled. I was shocked to hear this sad news. What will become of the cast? I love Vanessa Williams but if this means she will spend more time on her music "career" I am afraid we will only be getting more crappy soccer mom albums. As for the show's star, America Ferrera, how can a girl that is already homely as hell find another role as perfect as "Ugly Betty". Poor thing. Hopeful the gay nephew can land a spot on Rupaul's Drag Race. As much as I am distraught by the news, I must admit that I haven't seen an episode of Ugly Betty since the first season's Thanksgiving special. While I was in school it was simply impossible for me to find time to watch TV but now that I have somewhat of a regular 9-5 schedule and practically every TV show you can think of gets a DVD release I am re-discovering so much stuff.

"True Blood" has quickly become one of my FAVORITE shows as of late. Yes, I am about 2 years behind but I don't give a fuck. I enjoy anything with vampires.....movies, tv shows, books, etc. Surprisingly I have never been a vampire for Halloween. Perhaps because it is too cliche? I am not sure but I definitely think I would make a good one. Nevertheless there are certain vampire themed stories that are complete shit. Twilight would be the perfect example. Vampires are not meant to be made into romantic love stories. How fucking bullshit. I was hesitant at first to watch True Blood because I assumed it was another bastardization of the vampire genre however the $20 I spent at Target was not wasted and I was proved wrong! The show is witty, sexy, funny, smart and at times a little gruemsome.

I somewhat sympathize with the bad vampires of the series. If I were a vampire I wouldn't want to mainstream myself and drink synthetic blood. How boring. Sorry, but if I were to be cursed to be a creature of the night for all eternity I am going to make it fun! On a side note, was I the only one who recognized hottie Nicholas Gonzalez as the homosexual human sex slave of one of the vampires in episode two. I guess his career isn't going that well! LOL

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Ball Licker

When I moved to Flroida I was very eager to become acquainted with my new neighborhood and also meet new people. Well, I am not sure how successful I have been at either. Today I took a wrong turn when coming home from the Toyota dealership where I had gotten an oil change. This resulted in driving around in circles for 20 minutes trying to find a road that crossed the train tracks so I could get to the other side where I live. Thank god I was doing this in a good part of town and not the ghetto because I doubt I would have survived to write this blog entry otherwise. As far as meeting new people....well I shouldn't totally complain. I would have to say I have met 3 new friends. They are nice people and actually fun to hang out with. Unfortunately there has been a plethora of FUCKING WEIRDOS and ASSHOLES that have surprised me along the way.

1. Mr. Miami - So I met a cute boy who recently relocated from Miami Beach. It's not like that is such a big move. Miami is only an hour away but when you are unemployed and have no job I guess that is a big deal. I could tell this boy was only interested in a "physical" relationship, which is fine. He was very direct and honest unlike some people I knew in Chicago who I suspected only pretended to be my friend as they secretly waited for a chance to do something "physical". Anyhoo, this boy had more issues than Newsweek and apparently this included a need to be rude an obnoxious. He flat out asked me if he could use my apartment to fuck other guys. In return he would allow me to lick his balls. Wow. Talk about a deal I just couldn't refuse! NOT! How does one respond to such a propostion? One doesn't. He was deleted from my phone immediately. Goodbye!

2. Mr. Butterface - This guy I never met in person, THANK GOD! We only chatted online here and there. He claimed to be a personal trainer and physical therapist that specialized in sports medicine. I figured with the fitness and healthcare aspect in common, we might become good friends. Well, I should have known to block him immediately when he started telling me that he had forwarded my profile to some strange guy in Fort Lauderdale because he was a pharmacist too. You know, all pharmacists want to fuck eachother so it makes perfect sense! I stopped conversing with this weirdo for a few weeks when he randomly messaged me again. He now had more pictures in his profile that were either fake or really photoshopped to the extreme. He started talking about being a pharmacist as if he forgot that he had originally told me he was a fitness trainer. Between the fake pictures and career discrepancy I decided it was time to block him. Thank god I avoided meeting that train wreck in person!

3. Mr. Personality Remember the song by Gillette, Mr Personality? Well this sums up quite nicely some scary ass motherfucker who had an online profile bragging how he does drugs and practices unsafe sex. He propostioned me online and when I politely turned him down he sent me a nice little message about how ugly and gross I am. What a swell guy to point that out! Anyhoo, this guy looked like Shrek so I am not sure who he thought he was!

Meeting people online is so easy and actually quite practical in todays world, whether it be for friends or romance. However I think I have had my fill of the Adam4Adam freaks and will be taking a little break. Besides, I would rather spend the time hanging out with the people i did befriend for real.

Saturday, February 20, 2010


There has been a reson for the lack of updates........and it has nothing to do with crazy new life events. I think my blog has suffered from the "new time slot" epidemic that has killed many TV shows in the past. You know, I thought it was a good idea to relocate my blog and create a brand new template for my brand new life in Florida but I think the plan backfired! LOL. I have also been skimping on the posts simply because I have been busy with work. I am only working 40 hours a week for the moment but I work 10 hour shifts. So once I get home I only have time for the gym and dinner before it is time to go to bed. I need at least 6-7 hours of sleep each night so I am always in bed by midnight. Therefore there has been little time to blog. Don't ask me what the hell I do on my days off LOL> It seems that I have so much catching up to do that I barely get a chance to sit down at the computer. I also find more and more of my internet time on Facebook. I do belive that has become officially the BEST way to keep up with friends and loved one....near and far! Actually, I think some of my friends spend a little too much time on Facebook but I am not one to judge. I probably spend too much time scouring porn sites. SOOOOOO.......

This week I will be blogging about the following topics because I need to spice things up a bit around here, even if I suspect most of my friends have abandoned my blog (or never made the transition to the new one!)

1. The odd characters of Southern Florida: Wow, I have met some odd balls in my life but I forget how MANY weirdos there are on this planet!

2. SEX!!!!!! I haven't been quite as busy as the good ol' days in Chicago but there has been plenty of good and bad sex adventures that I think anyone could find amusing.

3. Music! Lord knows I have bought a zillion cd's in the past few months. It's about time I blog about them

4. I will forever be behind when it comes to television but I am hooked on several popular DVD collections and I finally have the time to watch them!

Ok this week will be a busy real life and my blog life!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


I was a little annoyed today that my lunch break wasn't as nice as it usually is. I usually sit outside and eat all of my low-carb goodies and enjoy the warm Florida climate (I still get giddy over the fact I can wear shorts in February) but today I was a little annoyed by the fact that it was in the 60's. That's rather chilly for Southern Florida! However I am thanking the heavens that I am not in Chicago to experience the 12 inches of snow they just got! It was the last two winters that really did it for me so I can't imagine things being even worse.

Othr than that I have been busy these past few days. I successfully avoided the Superbowl crowds. I swear, every year this Superbowl crap takes me by surprise. It's like I forgot what day Christmas is on and all of the sudden it's December 25th and the streets are empty and everyone is at home celebrating. I don't understand. Even some of my gay friends who I had no idea even knew what football is got excited. I'm sorry, I don't pretend to know about this shit just to fit in. I have no idea stil who the hell was even playing or who won......cuz who cares! I say give me some information I can the size of Mario Lopez's cock. Now that is something I want to know!

How have I been busy? Well, I have started work on various projects...personal projects to expedite some of the short term and long term goals I have (I blogged about those recently). So far things are looking like they are falling into place but I will refrain from sharing too many details so I don't jinx myself.