Thursday, February 25, 2010

Ball Licker

When I moved to Flroida I was very eager to become acquainted with my new neighborhood and also meet new people. Well, I am not sure how successful I have been at either. Today I took a wrong turn when coming home from the Toyota dealership where I had gotten an oil change. This resulted in driving around in circles for 20 minutes trying to find a road that crossed the train tracks so I could get to the other side where I live. Thank god I was doing this in a good part of town and not the ghetto because I doubt I would have survived to write this blog entry otherwise. As far as meeting new people....well I shouldn't totally complain. I would have to say I have met 3 new friends. They are nice people and actually fun to hang out with. Unfortunately there has been a plethora of FUCKING WEIRDOS and ASSHOLES that have surprised me along the way.

1. Mr. Miami - So I met a cute boy who recently relocated from Miami Beach. It's not like that is such a big move. Miami is only an hour away but when you are unemployed and have no job I guess that is a big deal. I could tell this boy was only interested in a "physical" relationship, which is fine. He was very direct and honest unlike some people I knew in Chicago who I suspected only pretended to be my friend as they secretly waited for a chance to do something "physical". Anyhoo, this boy had more issues than Newsweek and apparently this included a need to be rude an obnoxious. He flat out asked me if he could use my apartment to fuck other guys. In return he would allow me to lick his balls. Wow. Talk about a deal I just couldn't refuse! NOT! How does one respond to such a propostion? One doesn't. He was deleted from my phone immediately. Goodbye!

2. Mr. Butterface - This guy I never met in person, THANK GOD! We only chatted online here and there. He claimed to be a personal trainer and physical therapist that specialized in sports medicine. I figured with the fitness and healthcare aspect in common, we might become good friends. Well, I should have known to block him immediately when he started telling me that he had forwarded my profile to some strange guy in Fort Lauderdale because he was a pharmacist too. You know, all pharmacists want to fuck eachother so it makes perfect sense! I stopped conversing with this weirdo for a few weeks when he randomly messaged me again. He now had more pictures in his profile that were either fake or really photoshopped to the extreme. He started talking about being a pharmacist as if he forgot that he had originally told me he was a fitness trainer. Between the fake pictures and career discrepancy I decided it was time to block him. Thank god I avoided meeting that train wreck in person!

3. Mr. Personality Remember the song by Gillette, Mr Personality? Well this sums up quite nicely some scary ass motherfucker who had an online profile bragging how he does drugs and practices unsafe sex. He propostioned me online and when I politely turned him down he sent me a nice little message about how ugly and gross I am. What a swell guy to point that out! Anyhoo, this guy looked like Shrek so I am not sure who he thought he was!

Meeting people online is so easy and actually quite practical in todays world, whether it be for friends or romance. However I think I have had my fill of the Adam4Adam freaks and will be taking a little break. Besides, I would rather spend the time hanging out with the people i did befriend for real.

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